Urbana Champaign Essay
Prompt: Explain your interest in the major you selected and describe how you have recently explored or developed this interest inside and/or outside the classroom. You may also explain how this major relates to your future career goals.
I knew about the power of conventional medical healing before I fully understood medicine as a professional industry with an array of specialists. With time, I learnt more and got to understand its roots and possible future advancements, igniting my passion to become a surgeon. Other than the Biochemistry aspect, my career aspirations are also influenced and informed by personal, religious, social and cultural experiences. Growing up in Nepal, for example, I witnessed the correlation between poverty and health complications. The spillover effect left a horrific picture of disease and pestilence outbreaks that need more than good hospitals to fix. Over 10% of the 13.4 million women in Nepal suffer gender discrimination as a result of uterine prolapse. This is a painful medical condition that occurs when the uterine walls collapse yet these women can't access quality healthcare because of cultural and economic challenges. My father lives with the consequences of the poor health standards in Nepal since he has polio, a condition that could have been averted by a couple of drops of vaccine in his childhood. When we moved to the U.S., both of my parents got a job at Walmart and I joined Waukee High School, where my academic activities hinge on my medical career aspirations as a final year student. I am currently taking classes like AP Biology and Chemistry to help me pursue my goal. The urge to help solve the problem such as that of the Nepalese women and to help prevent my father's condition from happening to another person anywhere in the world has inspired me to strive for proficiency in Biochemistry. I however major in Biochemistry because it forms the basis of how biology and chemistry relate and how the relation can be exploited to find sustainable innovative solutions to surgery related medical problems.
The beginning of your essay definitely caught my attention. However, i got confused at some point. The third line states "igniting my passion to become a surgeon" then the third to the last line states "to help prevent my father's condition from happening to another person anywhere in the world has inspired me to strive for proficiency in Biochemistry"
Do you want to study Medicine or Biochemistry?
Would the courses you take as a Biochemistry major prepare you for your future aspiration to become a surgeon?
You also have to break the essay into paragraphs.
Abhishek, what is the word limitation on this essay? It is rushed, does not fully respond to the prompt, and seems to only respond in a shallow method to the response. It is important that you spend the first part of the essay, say the first paragraph, presenting the development of your interest in medicine. This could be represented by the fact that your father suffers from Polio. Learning how preventable his illness was should have been the catalyst for your interest in a medial career. The more personal the reason, the more relevant it becomes in your essay. The digits about the number of Nepalese suffering from a particular interest is not of use in your essay because that doesn't really help to describe how you have explored this interest. In fact, that information is missing from your essay.
As a potential medical student, you must show that this is an interest that you have been cultivating throughout your social and academic life. Simply taking AP classes isn't enough to justify your preparation for your studies in this field. The reviewer will be looking for relevant volunteer activities, seminars attended, internships, or part time work in clinics that can help to imply that you have some sort of amateur medical background. Even being a a part time hospital volunteer would help to justify that.
Right now, the essay is only partially responding to the prompt. It needs to be revised in terms of presentation and a change of information presented in order to create a stronger idea as to how you have pursued this interest both in and out of the classroom. A more focused and relevant response based on proper information should do the trick. Review your credentials and relevant experience, figure out which ones can best help to represent your abilities as required by the essay.
Tips for Writing Your Essay
The essay portion of the application is important because it gives us further insight into who you are and who you want to be. Make us remember you!
Take time to think about and brainstorm your message. Create an outline, write a good first draft, and edit multiple times.
We want to know more about you, so be honest and let us into your world. Instead of making broad statements about what you want to do, provide specific examples from high school or extracurricular activities. And don’t be afraid to add your personal style and voice to your writing!
You only have a couple of paragraphs to tell us that you’re not only qualified to attend Illinois, but you're also ready for the challenge and will make the most of your experience. Choose your words wisely.
It's not necessary for you to repeat information that’s already elsewhere in your application. Stay focused on explaining how those credentials and qualifications will lead to a successful future here.
Submitting a sloppy-looking essay with spelling errors and glaring mistakes sends us the message that you’re not serious about Illinois. Proofread your essays and ask your counselor, a friend, or a parent to take a second look.